Etiquette Analysis: On Ghosting
Apologies for ghosting you, my faithful reader! To kick things back off, our etiquette analysis today is about ghosting, the act of suddenly cutting off communication with someone, without explanation.
Amy Vanderbilt, despite the source of the following quote being a more recent edition of her book, does not refer to this as ghosting. Concept remains the same though!
“If you’re simply not interested in the person you’ve met, be polite and considerate of his feelings… say kindly but firmly something like “I’ve enjoyed meeting you very much. It was nice of you to take the time for lunch but I must be going now.” If he suggests getting together again and you know you don’t want to, say so, but as kindly as possible. Remember, you are rejecting the person…. It is far kinder to be honest than to raise the hopes of someone you have no intention of having a relationship with.” Amy Vanderbilt (1995). Complete Book of Etiquette, 69-70.
Oh, Amy, you’re so right. An explanation, regardless if it’s rejection, is deserved. Without an explanation, one might turn inward and endlessly criticize oneself, trying to justify being ghosted. Without an explanation, one might continue to hold out hope.
Complete transparency isn’t necessary when offering an explanation. A white lie, to spare someone’s feelings, is entirely appropriate here. Just offer any explanation, please.