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“When eaten at the table they are peeled, then broken as needed into small pieces and eaten with the fingers” Amy Vanderbilt (1952). Everyday Etiquette, 22.
Do not let them have this feeling of accomplishment. Announce merrily, “Oh, let’s leave things for a minute,” and then go with them yourself, into the living room for coffee. An hour later, as the post dinner stupor sets in, you can then say, with equal graciousness “Well, I suppose we ought to get to those dishes” and accept the help offered. Someone who does not volunteer may then be told sweetly “Will you look after the children for us while we clean up?”” Judith Martin (1982). Miss Manner’s Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, 144.
“If you’re simply not interested in the person you’ve met, be polite and considerate of his feelings… say kindly but firmly something like “I’ve enjoyed meeting you very much. It was nice of you to take the time for lunch but I must be going now.” If he suggests getting together again and you know you don’t want to, say so, but as kindly as possible. Remember, you are rejecting the person…. It is far kinder to be honest than to raise the hopes of someone you have no intention of having a relationship with.” Amy Vanderbilt (1995). Complete Book of Etiquette, 69-70.
“A first rule for behavior in company is ‘Try to do and say only that which will be agreeable to others.’”Emily Post (1945). Etiquette, 41.
“If you are by yourself in the kitchen and your meal is just about nourishment, text away. No problem! But if you’re having dinner with friends and family, be with them. As I told Sara, “The family meal is a social event, not a food ingestion event.” Even if your phone is in your lap, the people with you all know what you’re doing when your eyes are focused on your lap. Just because it’s a quiet activity (unlike a phone call), you’re not fooling anyone. And then everyone’s attention is on the fact that your attention is on your phone, not on them.” Everyday Etiquette, Emily Post institute.
“Nor does a gentlemen ever criticise the behavior of a wife whose conduct is scandalous. What he says to her in the privacy of their own apartment is no one’s affair but his own, but he must never treat her with disrespect before their children, or a servant or anyone.” Emily Post (1945). Etiquette, 587.
“In talking to a stranger who has just been introduced to you and about whom you are in complete ignorance, there is really nothing to do but try one topic after another just as a fisherman searched for the right fly. You ‘try for nibbles” by asking a few questions… Do not snatch at a period of silence. Let it go for a little while. Conversation is not a race that must be continued at breakneck space.” Emily Post (1945). Etiquette, 42.
I am a big believer in hand written notes. My reasoning is as follows: it takes more effort to send a handwritten note and people deserve a little effort. My rule of thumb is when in doubt, send a thank you note.
“How far may a girl run after a man? Cat-like, she may do a little stalking! But “run”? Not a step. The freedom of today allows her to go meet him halfway, but the girl who runs, runs after a man who runs faster” Emily Post (1945). Etiquette, 177.
“Of all the qualities that make us likable, none is greater than tact… The tactless person causes nothing but distress wherever he goes.” Emily Post (1945), Etiquette, 593.
“May candles ever be lighted on a dining table in the daytime? A.V.L. Maplewood, New York No, expect late in the aldy and if the curtains are drawn. Candles placed on the table to be lighted at a later hour, as the tea or reception wears on, should have their wicks charred” - Amy Vanderbilt, 1952, pg. 67
“A hostess should be less elaborately dressed than her guests and her clothes may be more informal in type. For example, she would wear any distinctly at-home dress that could not possibly be worn on the street when she is giving a cocktail party or a tea to which other people come in street clothes” - Emily Post, Etiquette 1945, pg. 467
“In America it is customary for a man to walk on the curb side when accompanying a lady on the street, but the rule is not so hard and fast as it used to be” - Amy Vanderbilt, 1952, pg. 30
“You may or may not - as you wish - draw a line through the engraved name if the message is signed informally with a Christian name.” - Amy Vanderbilt (1952), Amy Vanderbilt’s Everyday Etiquette, 162.
“All the rules of table manners are made to avoid ugliness. To let anyone see what you have in your mouth is repulsive; to make a noise is to suggest an animal; to make a mess is disgusting.”
“Once is effective; twice is boring” Emily Post, Etiquette 1945, pg. 42
“Perfect your waves (you know your ‘professional wave’, your ‘zoom-meeting wave’, your ‘I-love-you-Grandma wave, your ‘I haven’t-seen-you-and-I’m-trying-so-hard-not-to-hug-you wave’) and use your tone of voice to match the occasion.” emilypost.com
“If you are warmly greeted by someone whose name you can’t recall, say something harmless such as, ‘Nice to see you’ or ‘You’re looking well.’ Then while looking quite attentive, let the other person do the talking until he or she gives you a clue to his identity. Your own expression should always indicate that you remember him well and favorably.” - Amy Vanderbilt 1952
“When she rises to leave, he must get up instantly and stand for as long as she stands (no matter how long that is) and then go with her as far as the door, which he holds open for her.” - Emily Post (1945), Etiquette, 20.
As an avid fan of early editions of classic etiquette books, I’ve decided to skim the page of my favorites and offer an opinion on the experts’ opinions. As I mentioned in my introductory post, I am not an etiquette expert, simply an etiquette enthusiast and these analyses are just examples of what I would do in each situation. It’s Colettiquette.
“When gentlemen are introduced to each other, they always shake hands. When a gentleman is introduced to a lady, she generally smiles, bows slightly, and says, ‘How do you!’ Strictly speaking, it is her place to offer her hand or not, as she chooses; but if he puts out his hand, she of course gives him hers. Nothing could be more ill-bred than to treat any spontaneous friendliness curtly.” Emily Post (1945), Etiquette, 9.