Etiquette Analysis: On Thanksgiving
With Thanksgiving this week, it felt necessary to dive into the etiquette of family dinners. The distribution of work at big family events, like Thanksgiving, is always a tricky one. Judith Martin, known as Miss Manners, offered the following advice:
“Dear Miss Manners:
I do a lot work…. And look forward to having people enjoy the decorations and the food. But then every year, I end up in the kitchen while the grown-ups are watching television… How can I enlist some help coping with all this? Usually they just help clear the table and then off into the living room, thinking they’ve done enough.
Gentle reader:
Do not let them have this feeling of accomplishment. Announce merrily, “Oh, let’s leave things for a minute,” and then go with them yourself, into the living room for coffee. An hour later, as the post dinner stupor sets in, you can then say, with equal graciousness “Well, I suppose we ought to get to those dishes” and accept the help offered. Someone who does not volunteer may then be told sweetly “Will you look after the children for us while we clean up?”” Judith Martin (1982). Miss Manner’s Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, 141.
While I greatly like this tactic, I personally am not one to let a mess sit, even if it’s just for an hour. Undoubtedly, there are people who will put in a significant amount more work into Thanksgiving dinner and if you are one of those people, be direct and ask for assistance with the cleanup. Hopefully one of your family members will be gracious enough to excuse you of the task entirely. If you are a member who has not contributed to the preparation of the meal, might I suggest you dress appropriately for doing dishes later in the evening?